It might also be called the fantasy phase or honeymoon stage because your partner can seem perfect during this time. How long this phase lasts varies, but it can be anywhere from a few months to about two years. On average , phase one lasts about three months. This stage is a lot of fun but is not sustainable.
People who are constantly changing partners are often trying to remain in this stage. Highlights of this stage of love include:.
This stage often will begin to creep in slowly during your relationship, but will sometimes happen all at once. The reality phase typically lasts about six months, or as long as it takes for both of you to decide you want to stay together.
This is often where relationships end because one person decides they've made a selection mistake. If you can accept each other's flaws, you can progress to the next level. In this stage of healthy relationships :.
What began as reality setting in during stage two often turns to disappointment in stage three. Couples at this stage spend about a year working out their differences in an effort to get to a place of stability. If you're able to communicate in healthy ways and see positive progress, you're likely to move to the next phase.
The problems presented here are:. If a couple can navigate through the unstable waters of stage three, they will find stage four offers much rest and enjoyment. Couples spend roughly two years feeling stable before progressing into the final stage of commitment. Make efforts to spice up your standard life together to keep the spark alive.
I suggest that you begin with my Free Relationship Help Course opens in a new window. So what can you look forward to beyond the Power Struggle? A period of relative peace follows. This time in a deeper, more mature form than in the Romance stage.
You both have clear boundaries and you need to learn mutual respect. TIP: You can get stuck in this relationship stage if you get too attached to the peace and stability that comes with it. Then, boredom can easily set in.
Remember that all growth requires change and getting outside your comfort zone. You can keep growing together by consciously creating new shared experiences. For example, travelling together, or attending a personal-development seminar together, or a relationship improvement course together.
The commitment stage has nothing to do with getting married. In the commitment stage, you fully surrender to the reality that you and your partner are human and that your relationship has shortcomings as a result.
You choose each other consciously. I choose you, knowing all I know about you, good and bad. While this may be somewhat true on an individual level, your work in the world as a couple is just beginning.
Pretty crazy, huh? In this stage, your relationship evolves beyond the boundaries of your family unit and like a teenager leaving home, it moves out into the world. Often, couples in this stage work on a collaborative project together. This project could be anything e. But either way, something happens which causes a minor or major conflict in the new relationship.
Sometimes the trigger is living together and having to share household chores and experiencing personal habits up close. Sometimes it is an act of deception which is discovered. Sometimes it is planning a wedding, buying a house, or sharing finances. Whatever the cause, after the conflict occurs, it becomes impossible to continue the fantasy that this person and this relationship are immune from struggle, from effort, from reality.
Differences which were previously obscured suddenly become visible. Conflicts, anxieties, disappointment and hurt replace the effortless flow of the Romantic stage. There is a sense that this person is not living up your hopes and dreams, and there is an accompanying loss of closeness.
Gradually each person is forced to relinquish some of their most cherished romantic fantasies, or to cling to them desperately in a state of denial. In this stage, it is common to feel as if someone or something or even Life itself has cheated you or robbed you of something precious, almost like a stage of grieving the loss of something innocent and wonderful. There is a desire to be close again but confusion as how to create that. It is the first time that fears of intimacy begin to arise.
Suddenly the couple must learn how to deal with very real differences, how to deal with conflict, and how to integrate being an independent person as well as someone in an intimate relationship. Minor issues blow up into larger arguments.
Yelling appears for the first time, if it ever will. Both partners dig in their heels and defend their positions on issues fiercely. Each person digs in their heels and protects their turf. This once-tender effortless loving relationship has become a battleground and evolved into a daily Power Struggle. This is a typical stage in the development of a long-term committed relationship. For the first time in the relationship, there are occasional or frequent thoughts of leaving the relationship.
This person who only recently appeared to be the embodiment of pure love and joy in your eyes suddenly seems self-centered and not to be trusted. Doubts arise as to whether the other person really loves you. There are consistent feelings of ambivalence and anger. Remember, some relationships blow through stages at a fast pace, while others take years to move through each stage. When meeting someone new, keep testing the waters and continue to trust your gut. Keep in mind that at the end of the day, being a little more vulnerable with those around you will go a long way in helping you find your tribe.
Cindy Lamothe is a freelance journalist based in Guatemala. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior. Find her at cindylamothe. Constantly questioning your relationship? You might be dealing with relationship anxiety. Learn how to recognize and overcome it. Most people want a healthy relationship, but what does that really mean? Interpersonal relationships range from those with your family and friends to romantic partners and acquaintances.
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